Come Home To Me
by hauntedlullabies
Summary: Eli Ayase is moving up in the world; she's on her way to America to attend a prestigious college to become a lawyer. Stuck at home, Nozomi is suffocated with a conservative mother, a dying family business, and bottled up feelings she's tried so hard to keep in. With the departure of her best friend, she might just be at her wit's end. (Cancelled)
1. Chapter 1

Nozomi bent over to pull up her socks over her thighs; the temperature outside was dropping and Winter would be on its way soon. She knocked on the door to Eli's apartment, adjusting her bag on her shoulder while she waited for an answer. Eli's little sister opened the door, and Nozomi smiled at her. Alisa stepped to the side, letting her step in. "She's in her room doing some last minute packing," she said, giving her a hug. Nozomi nodded her thanks and slipped her shoes off before making her way over to Eli's bedroom. Alisa put her headphones on as she jumped back onto the couch, watching Muse videos on her iPod.

Nozomi nudged Eli's bedroom door open, standing in the doorway. Eli looked up from the framed picture of her as a young ballerina. "Oh, Nozomi. Is it time to go already?" She smiled sadly at her best friend, "Yes, it is." Eli stuffed the picture frame in her suitcase and zipped it shut; she pulled on her peacoat and wrapped a fuzzy white scarf around her neck. "Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready."

Eli was going to America to study abroad, and Nozomi offered to drive her to the airport and see her off. While she was traveling to a foreign country to go to college for law and politics, Nozomi was stuck at home taking care of the temple for another year. The two had just recently graduated high school, and ended their idol group Muse, which actually became successful. But that's over now; it was fun while it lasted.

Eli gave Alisa one last big hug before finally leaving. Eli and Nozomi walked down to Nozomi's car, climbing in and immediately turning the seat heaters all the way up; Eli's suitcase and carry-on bag both thrown to the back seat. "Thanks for taking me to the airport," Eli said, rubbing her hands together and breathing into them. Nozomi smiled at her, a pain hitting her chest.

Nozomi pulled out of the parking lot and they were soon on the packed highway. She stole a few glances at Eli, noticing she let her hair down today. The blonde had grown these past couple months; she really looked like a college student. The features of her face were more mature and defined, and her legs had been toned. Her breasts filled out and curvaceous hips completed her beautiful hourglass shape. Nozomi still felt like a young high schooler; awkward and immature.

It took about half an hour for them to reach the airport parking lot. Nozomi held onto to Eli's carry-on bag for her as they made their way inside. Going through the security procedures felt as if it'd never end. There was almost a panic when Eli went through the metal detector and a loud warning noise went off. Everyone was relieved that it was just her belt, and not a gun.

After paying for the suitcase and validating their passports, Eli and Nozomi exhaustedly slumped into two of the seats by the gates. Nozomi checked the time on her cellphone, and realized Eli's flight would be leaving in the next twenty minutes. "Eli-cci?" she asked, forcing herself to sit up. "Are you hungry?" Eli sat up too, twisting side to side to crack her back. "Yeah, I think I could go for a snack. Is it alright if I get some magazines too? I'll need something to keep myself occupied on the plane ride." Nozomi smiled and nodded at her, getting off of the chair and pulling on Eli's arms to help her stand up. They walked down to the food stands, where there was a variety of different things to eat. They eventually decided that McDonald's would have to do. "I need to save as much money as possible for when I'm buying textbooks. The Dollar Menu isn't too bad, right?" Nozomi chuckled at her.

With only about ten minutes left from standing in that ridiculously long order line, Nozomi had never savored a fast food meal this much before. A greasy hamburger, an order of Chicken McNuggets, and a large soda to share really wasn't that memorable. The fact that it was with Eli was what made it special. The last meal they'd eat together in a long time.

Eli stood up from the restaurant chair and brushed the crumbs from her dress. "I only have about five minutes left. I should go." Nozomi stood up after her and threw their trash away. She could feel her heart beating against her chest as she walked with Eli to the gate. Nozomi handed her her carry-on bag and a couple magazines. "Call me when you get there, and make sure to make some friends." She smiled weakly at her. "Don't forget to check in with me once in a while, okay? But make your studies your first priority! And-" Eli laughed, her face lighting up. "I'll be fine, Nozomi." She pulled her in for a tight hug, "I'll miss you too." Nozomi felt tense, but then relaxed and wrapped her arms around Eli.

After a few moments, the two reluctantly let go. Nozomi watched Eli as she walked through the tunnel that connected to the plane. She continued to stand there until she couldn't see her anymore. With a heavy heart, she took her time getting back to her car in the parking lot. Sitting in the driver's seat, she tightened her hands on the steering wheel but didn't start the car. For a few minutes, she sat staring down at her legs in silence; tears slowly trickling down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut, which only made her cry harder. She thought back to their last minute together; the way she laughed, and the way she said she'd miss her.

It was only four years, but already Nozomi felt trapped and alone. She was still stuck at home, while Eli was going out and doing something with her life; she was really growing up. The other girls from Muse were her friends too, but Eli was different. And now she was on a plane flying across the world.

She turned the key in the ignition, and drove home.

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**A/N: ****Ah, hello! This is just** **a little something I wrote. This is my first time putting my work out there, so I hope you like it :) I do have some more chapters for this, but I'm not sure if I will upload those as well. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again! I just want to say thank you for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing the first chapter! I don't think I could even put into words just how much this means to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Well, here is the second chapter! It is a bit shorter than the first one, but do enjoy nonetheless! I hope your weekend has been good so far xx**

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Nozomi pulled into a spot near her house, pulling down the sun visor to look at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks and eyes were slightly red, but she could blame it on the cold weather. She slapped the visor back up and climbed out of her car. Inside, her mother was sitting at the kitchen table with the morning newspaper in one hand and a cup of green tea in the other. Nozomi stepped out of her shoes and into her slippers and hung her coat on the coat rack. "I'm back, Mother."

She looked up from reading a front-page article and smiled at Nozomi. "Welcome home, dear. How was the airport? Busy?" Nozomi walked up to her and forced a smile for her. She tilted her head to the side, looking her daughter up and down. "Is there something wrong?" Nozomi shook her head. "I'm just going to miss her. She was.. my best friend." Her mother sighed, standing up and grabbing Nozomi's hands. "Well, now that she's left, your life can go back to normal." Nozomi averted her mother's eyes.

She leaned in to give her daughter an affectionate kiss on the forehead. "There are fallen leaves covering the steps of the shrine again. Go get changed and sweep up, will you?" Nozomi nodded, pulling her hands away to head upstairs. Her room is the smallest in the house, but just big enough for one person.

The shrine was losing money; not many people visited these days, and Nozomi could tell they were losing their faith as well. In order for it to stay on its feet, she had to give up her apartment and move back in with her parents. As much as she was averse to living with them at 18 years old, she couldn't even afford to pay monthly rent. Food, along with the cable bill and every other kind of tax, was another story.

For now, her tiny room would have to do. The bed was almost invisible underneath the mass of blankets and pillows. Her closet was stuffed full with her robes, everyday clothes, and all of her past performance outfits. Books, charms, tarot cards, a bible, and other spiritual items decorated her vanity and bookshelf. Looking at the clutter gave her an adolescent feeling, wishing she could get out of her old room and back to her own place. She was stuck behind thick walls made of stuffed animals, toy make-up kits, and emergency cell-phones with "Mom" on speed-dial.

Oversized sweater, pleated skirt, and thigh-high socks were discarded and tossed to the floor as Nozomi reached into her closet. She wrapped herself in the robes and tied her hair up in a tight bun. Looking at herself in the mirror, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The reflection staring back at her was not smiling, but instead was empty and sullen. Her forest-green eyes were longing and tired, and she wiped them with the back of her hand.

She walked downstairs to the back of the house and slipped on her sandals before stepping outside. A weak gust of wind breezed past her, scattering the crunchy leaves around the shrine. Nozomi sighed; she got to work and took the broom that was leaning against the side of the house. As she swept the leaves off of the stone steps, she looked up to see a young man and woman walk by. They looked up at Nozomi and the shrine, as if they were contemplating on visiting. Before Nozomi could give them a welcoming smile, the two turned and kept on their way. Nozomi lowered her head, tightening her grip on the broom as she swept more carelessly.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here's the third chapter! This is the last one that was already completed before I began posting; chapter 4 is currently in progress! I'm not sure of when I'll be updating, but as soon as I finish the chapter &amp; edit it! Like I keep saying, thank you so much for reading! It truly does mean a lot to me! Have a lovely week and I shall see you soon xx**

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Steamy water rained down Nozomi's back and shoulders; the heat relaxed her and massaged her muscles. Soap bubbles were rinsed from her body and conditioner was washed out as she ran her fingers through her scalp. After another minute of standing under the showerhead, she reached over and turned the knob, shutting the water off. Humidity and moisture in the air kept her from shivering as she wrung out her soppy hair. The glass shower doors were fogged up, the tile floor beneath her was slippery with puddles of water. Nozomi wrapped herself in the nearest towel on the rack, securing it on her chest to keep it up.

She walked over to the sink and grabbed a wide-toothed comb; tangles and knots were thoroughly combed out. Nozomi bent over to towel dry her hair before blow drying it afterwards. With a head of soft and light hair, she walked out to her chilly bedroom. She kneeled down to turn on her small space heater. Halfway through smoothing lotion into her legs, she heard her mother call from somewhere else in the house, "Nozomi! Clean up your mess in the bathroom!" She sighed and finished up after a couple of minutes.

Nozomi threw on a purple camisole with matching shorts, slid her slippers on her feet, and headed to the bathroom. She flipped the switch to the ceiling fan to reduce the humidity. She took a towel and wiped up the water on the floor and tossed it in the hamper to be washed. Her blow dryer was unplugged and placed underneath the sink along with her comb and other various hair products. She turned the fan back off as she exited.

Nozomi walked back to her room, sitting down on the stool at her vanity. Her head was just visible in her mirror with photographs taped all around the outer edge and the glass. A couple group shots of Muse, commemorative photos of the girls at the beach and Maki's vacation home, Nozomi standing in her robes for the first time in front of the shrine, pictures of her and Eli posing together, and even random shots she took of Eli while on lunch dates or driving in her car. Nozomi looked to the side at a framed portrait that was quite recent.

It was her and Eli at their senior prom. Because Otonokizaka was an all-girls school, the administrators refused to call it a "prom," but instead a "farewell dance." Although, it was still considered "Prom" to the students. Nozomi could still remember that night; she swore it was the best night of her life.

_The seniors ridiculously danced to techno music, gossip spread throughout the entire room, and food and drinks ended up on the floor somehow. Nozomi had shown up at Eli's door in a strapless purple dress that her mother helped her squeeze into. The length was shorter in the front and bit longer in the back, and she had forced her feet into a pair of silver peep-toe heels. Eli had given her a white corsage to wear on her left wrist, to amp up the authenticity of the date. The blonde had looked flawless in a long gown with a jeweled bodice and baby blue skirt that brushed the floor. Her rhinestone-studded flats were only barely visible, as she was just tall enough not to trip on her dress. _

_The two didn't match at all and Nozomi was in constant pain throughout the night, but it still remained a precious memory (and not to mention, those heels gave her a satisfying boost in height). They were originally supposed to meet up with Nico, but ultimately decided not to come. Eli and Nozomi spent the 5 hours only with each other. They ate the food available, sat at one of the huge round tables, and talked all while refusing to dance. The last song that was played was slow, and they just decided to go with it and have the most fun they could. Eli stood up first, pulling on Nozomi's extended arms to get her up. The girls found a tight spot within in the mass of the crowd and were forcibly pressed closer together from the bodies of the other students. With Nozomi's arms loosely wrapped around Eli's neck, and Eli's hands planted firmly on Nozomi's hips, they swayed back and forth and lost themselves in the music. After a few moments of slowly dancing with Eli, Nozomi couldn't hold herself back, and gently kissed her on the cheek. The taller girl blushed and looked at her as the song faded to an end, and everyone began filing out of the cafeteria. _

"_Say, 'cheese!.'" One of the history teachers held up an old-fashioned camera and had a grin on her face. They turned to face her and smiled; their arms stayed where they were. The photo was captured, and Eli pulled Nozomi in for a tight hug as soon as the teacher left. "Thanks for being my prom date," she whispered, giving her best friend a squeeze. Nozomi hugged her back without another word._

Nozomi snapped back to reality from reminiscing about the past. She took a hair tie and slid it onto her wrist; she parted her hair into three sections and crossed one over the other, alternating each time. She continued until a full braid reached down to the ends of her midnight-black hair. Nozomi secured it with the hair tie and let it lie over her shoulder.

10:43 displayed across the homescreen of her cellphone in a large, white font. She pressed her hands into the edge of her vanity to turn and stand up. Nozomi trudged over to the window next to her bed, lifting the blinds and propping her arms up on the window sill. She inhaled deeply through her nose, and exhaled as she looked into the navy blue sky. Pale yellow stars were scattered all around the night, and Nozomi's eyes landed on one particular one. The biggest, brightest star with the boldest color to it. It reminded her of Eli's blonde hair.

Was that creepy?

Nozomi chuckled to herself, thinking it was silly to think of her in this way. Her chest started to hurt again, a small pressure mixed with her heart thumping as if it'd break through her ribcage. "Please… just get there safely… my Eli-cci," she said, as if Eli would hear her. The corners of her mouth slightly turned up as she thought back to earlier that day. Eli's stunning smile clouded her mind and tinted her cheeks a soft, rosy color.

She backed away from the mirror and closed the blinds. Covering up a yawn with her hand, Nozomi trudged over to her crowded bed and pushed all the blankets and pillows aside to climb in. She drew up the sheets to her shoulder as she settled down. Even with all that time that had passed with her living on her own, this bed still had a familiar feel to it. Nozomi reached over to her bedside table to click off her lamp and flip over to her other side, forcing her eyes shut. That movie-star smile was still fresh in her mind, and she knew that it would be one of those nights that her mind would keep her from sleeping. With a sigh and a squeeze of the pillow beside her, she braced herself for the long night to come with her lying in bed awake as she fought with the thoughts of her best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here is the fourth chapter! I apologize in advance- updates will be slow. Please don't be upset with me ,_, I just spend forever editing and making sure it's good enough! This chapter is kinda a filler? Honestly, I was having a bit of trouble with this one. But the next will be even better, I promise! One last thing: sorry for any OOC-ness! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it! Talk to you soon xx**

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Sunlight was seeping into Nozomi's room, creating a dim atmosphere around her. She reached for her cell phone within the heap of blankets to unlock it and scroll through countless text messages and notifications. Nico had asked her about going out for coffee, and Rin sent her a bunch of silly pictures of herself and Hanayo. Weather and traffic updates from her local news station, comments on her post from Facebook friends, and a load of junk emails from subscriptions she doesn't even remember giving her email address to.

She rubbed her eye with the back of her hand as a yawn forced its way through her. Instinctively raising her thumbs, she felt the urge to send a text to Eli, but caught herself. "Ah, I can't be doing that," she thought, mentally scolding herself. Nozomi used the bed frame to help her get to her feet. She stretched her arms up over her head, and dialed Nico's phone number.

"Well, look who finally decided to answer me," a sarcastic voice on the other end greeted Nozomi. "Cocoa! Stop pulling Cocoro's hair!" Nozomi laughed, genuinely delighted by Nico and her little siblings. She raised her shoulder to press the cell phone against her ear as she rummaged through her packed closet.

"So what time were you thinking about going?" A sigh. "As soon as the babysitter gets here. You know I can't leave these reckless children by themselves." Nozomi took a pink crew neck sweater off of its hanger and draped it over her forearm, along with a pair of brown shorts and her daily thigh-high black socks. After dressing, she put on some matching suspenders to her shorts and secured the straps on her shoulders.

"You still there, Nozomi? I see Tsukimi pulling up." Nozomi paused from brushing through her hair. "Oh, okay. I'll be on my way, then."

She hung up and headed downstairs, sliding her feet into a pair of flats. She grabbed her coat and keys from the hook on the wall and was out the door. Nozomi crossed her arms against her chest as a gust of wind breezed by her, causing goosebumps to pop up on the sliver of skin between the shorts and socks. The interior of her car felt frozen down to the faux leather seats.

It took about 15 minutes for Nozomi to arrive at the nearest cafe and she pulled into a spot next to Nico's unmistakable pink convertible; the one Maki had given her as a birthday present. She made her way inside and Nico spotted her immediately, flagging her down with a wave of her arms.

"You were able to leave the house today, huh?" Nozomi said with a smile as she sat down down neatly in the chair across from Nico. The smaller girl flipped one of her pigtails. "You know, hiring a babysitter was probably the best decision I've ever made. Watching Cocoro, Cocoa, and Cotaro everyday gets really exhausting."

A plump waitress walked over to their table, grinning brightly at them. "Good morning!" She beamed. "What can I get you two ladies?" Nico tapped her fingers. "Hmm, I could go for a s'mores hot chocolate right about now." The waitress gave a quick nod and turned expectantly towards Nozomi. "I'll have a white chocolate mocha latte, please." The waitress took their menus from the table. "Alrighty! I'll be back in a jiffy!"

Nico rested her head in the palm of her hand, elbow supporting her weight. "So I've gotta stay home for another year or so to take care of the kids. With my parents being too busy with work, and our family being too poor to hire a full-time nanny, I'm stuck being the "responsible older sister." I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to go to college." Nozomi pressed her lips together to form a straight line, taking pity on the girl in front of her; she knew firsthand what _that _was like.

As if her mind had been read, Nico asked her, "Aren't you gonna go to college?" Nozomi looked down at her hands folded in her lap.

"I believe we're in the same boat, Nico-chan. Our shrine is losing money, and I have to live with my mom again just to try and save it." Nozomi took a deep breath. "She really thinks that we can get it going again, but I highly doubt it. The whole thing is just old-fashioned."

"Why don't you just go and get a part-time job or something?"

Nozomi shook her head. "She considers that to _be _my job. It really frustrates me."

The cheerful waitress was back with the drinks. She set them down in front of the appropriate person, Nico taking a sip straight away as Nozomi nodded her thanks. Nico lowered the mug, licking some whipped cream off of her lips. "Speaking of college, Eli's going to America, right?" At the mention of Eli, Nozomi's heart sprouted wings. "Yes, her flight should be landing by 4 p.m. today."

Nico nodded. "Wow.. impressive. What's she studying?"

"Law."

The small girl almost choked on her hot chocolate. "Law?! Eli's gonna be a _lawyer_?!" Nozomi giggled at Nico's pure shock. "Yes, Nico-chan. She's becoming a lawyer." Nico opened her mouth to reply, but closed it. Nozomi looked... hurt.

"Nozomi? Are.. you okay?" she asked, leaning towards her. The taller girl picked at the sleeve of her sweater.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just going to miss her, that's all." Nico raised an eyebrow. "I'm not _that _dense, you know. I can tell it bothers you a whole lot more than that." Nozomi looked at Nico, who was looking at her, waiting silently for an explanation.

Nozomi wrapped both hands around the warm mug in front of her. She could hear her own heart pulsing.

"Nico-chan... are you in love?"

Nico widened her eyes, cheeks flaring. "Well I don't know if I'd call it _love, _you know?" She cleared her throat. "W-why do you ask?" Nozomi gazed down at the melting whipped cream seeping into her latte.

"... let's just say that the way you feel about Maki, is the equivalent to how I feel about Eli."

Nico slumped back in her chair. She understood now. "Nozomi... does she know?" Nozomi shook her head. "No, she doesn't."

The two sat in an awkward silence, a tense aura surrounding them. Nozomi tugged her sleeves past her hands. "I was going to confess to her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." Nico put her feet up on the chair, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Did you tell anybody else?" she asked. Nozomi shook her head. "No, I've kept it hidden away for a while." She let out a pained sigh, running a hand through her hair. "I guess it only took her leaving for another country for me to really understand." Nico shook her head.

"I mean, the girl's not _dead._ You don't have to act like she's never coming back." She planted her feet back on the floor. "Acting all depressed about it isn't gonna make her come back any sooner, either." She took a swig of her hot chocolate.

Nozomi was taken aback by her sharp comments. She was about to protest, but slouched her posture. Nico was right. As strange as it was to admit it, well, what she was saying was true. She buried her face in her hands.

"Oh, Nico-chan, you're right. I just hate not having her by my side all the time, like it used to be." She heard the scrape of Nico's chair on the tile floor and sensed the small girl approach her. She gently pried Nozomi's hands away and had her stand up, hugging her firmly. "I'm no Eli, but you can always count on me. After all, I am everyone's favorite idol, Nico Yazawa!"

Nozomi returned the hug, thankful for a friend like Nico. The two eventually had to go their separate ways and said their goodbyes. While in her car, Nozomi sat back in the driver's seat. She liked being isolated in the vehicle; it was the closest thing she had to living independently. It gave her the gift of leaving the house whenever she wanted to, and it was often a good place to think. She took a deep breath. "Okay," she said out loud to herself. "It's only the first day. Time to pick yourself up, and just… keep moving forward." With an assertive nod, she was on the road again.


	5. Chapter 5

Nozomi did not want to go home.

She had been driving around aimlessly for a while, just trying to keep herself busy. Realistically, she should be working, but Nozomi really did not want to go home and deal with her mother. Driving around town with the radio on got boring after about 20 minutes, so she needed to go and do _something_. The best thing she could come up with was running errands, and that would surely get her mind off of things. She turned onto the next exit and called her mother.

"Do you need anything from the store?" Nozomi asked as soon as she picked up. An exaggerated "uhmmm" was her reply, and Nozomi waited as patiently as she could. "Well, I guess you could pick up some more of that peach tea I've been drinking lately."

Tea. Nozomi swore that tea was the only thing that woman ever drank.

"Alright, anything else?" Another long pause.

"Oh! And could you get me my kale chips? They're almost all gone!"

"Gotcha."

Nozomi hung up and pulled into a spot near the front entrance. She slung her purse over her shoulder and hung a basket on the opposite forearm. Scouring the aisles, she felt a sense of ease. Grocery shopping was another thing that made her feel like an independent adult, and she considered doing this more often. She purposely walked slower than her normal pace and checked each shelf, display, freezer and fridge. When an employee offered her a sample of smoothie or various dessert item, she didn't hesitate to take it.

She was in the tea section, reaching up to try and get the last bag of peach tea leaves on the shelf. She almost had it when standing up on her toes, when someone else grabbed it. She lowered her heels back to the floor and turned to see a young man.

"I saw you needed some help," he said, smiling as he extended his arm out to her. Nozomi returned a smile, taking the bag from him. "Thank you, very much." He jammed his hands in his pockets, leaning against the shelf.

"So, why is a pretty lady like yourself going out all alone?"

Oh god.

Nozomi shyly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Well, I'm just picking up a few things."

"Instead of shopping for yourself, why don't you let me buy you dinner tonight?"

Uh oh. Nozomi had to think fast.

"I-I have a girlfriend."

The guy smirked. "I can roll with that."

Okay, judging from his approachable appearance, she wasn't expecting him to be _this _much of a creep. Nozomi took a step back.

"No, I mean a _girlfriend._ You know, dating?" His face dropped. He stood up from leaning against the shelf.

"Damn, you don't _look _like a dyke."

Ouch.

Nozomi adjusted the strap of her purse. "Okay, well, I'll be going now." She turned on her heel and ducked out of the aisle, speed walking to the other end of the store. She slowed after she was sure she'd lost him, and was comfortably isolated in the chip aisle.

It was just a random guy, but she felt guilty for lying about having a girlfriend. She could have just said no, but the lie was more for herself rather than for him. Who tries picking up girls in a grocery store anyway?

Nozomi decided that that was enough grocery shopping for one day, and headed to the self-checkout to get out quickly.

Nozomi stopped at a gas station to refuel her car and then finally decided to just go home. Drumming her hands on the steering wheel as she drove, Bokura no Live Kimi to no Life alerted her that she had an incoming call. She swerved the car to the side of the busy highway; only one person had that song set as their ringtone. Nozomi slid her thumb across the screen to answer the call, mentally calming herself.

"Hello?"

"Nozomi! I made it to America!"

She lowered the cell phone from her ear for a second to check the time. It was only a couple of minutes after 4:00. Hearing Eli's voice made her heart leap out of her chest, and an idiotic grin stretch across her face.

"I've been here for 3 minutes, and I think I've already forgotten everything Rosetta Stone has taught me."

She let out a laugh, and Eli did too. Nozomi sat in silence for a bit, just listening to Eli talk and talk about the unbearable plane ride, American food, and how nervous she was about this whole thing. She even said that it wouldn't be too late for her to get a ticket home.

"Oh Eli-cci, you'll be _fine._ Try and relax a little; you deserve to be there." A reassured sigh came from the blonde girl.

"I know, I know… it's just… scary. Otonokizaka is nothing compared to a college university, especially one in a whole 'nother country."

Nozomi wanted to wrap her arms around the other girl right then, run her hands through her hair, and tell her that everything will be fine. In truth, she wouldn't have minded at all if Eli hopped on another plane to come back home, but the quote "if you love someone, set them free" really applies here.

"Don't think any different just because you're not attending a university in Japan. You should feel privileged that you got to travel so far for your studies, and just know that I am extremely proud of you."

Nozomi could tell Eli was blushing right now. She smiled to herself; even thousands of miles away, and she still had that effect on her.

"Nozomi… thank you," she let out a breath.

"I need to get a bus to…" she paused, and Nozomi heard a rustling of papers, "...Long Island City, Queens. Alright, well I'm gonna let you go."

"Okay, call me once you get settled in. You got this."

"I'll talk to you soon."

"Oh Eli- one more thing?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too."

She hung up, running a hand through her messy hair. Nozomi wished she could've talked with Eli longer, but she knew she had to go. The blonde seemed nervous, which was completely normal, but that didn't keep Nozomi from worrying about her. Knowing Eli, she'd be perfectly fine, but it would take a little while for her to warm up to people. She has a cold, hostile exterior to those who don't know her well.

Nozomi turned the steering wheel with both hands to get back onto the highway, avoiding being hit by the speeding cars and told herself over and over that Eli would be okay.

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**A/N: I'm back with the fifth chapter! I feel better about this one, and I hope you enjoyed it! Nozomi is so pretty, I thought it'd be funny to put in that scene with the guy hitting on her cx Her beloved Eli finally called her and is beginning her life as a college student! More phone calls from her to come. Also, I put Bokura no Live Kimi to no Life as the ringtone because that was the song that they sung after Nozomi and Eli finally joined the group &amp; it's the first one with all 9 members! I hope your week is lovely and remember to smile xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Nozomi grabbed the groceries from the passenger seat of her car and carried it all inside. She heard her mother come downstairs as she placed the bags atop the kitchen table.

"Hello honey," she said, opening a plastic bag to see what Nozomi had bought. "You were gone for a while. I could've used your help with the shrine today."

Nozomi took a bag of frozen peas and tossed it in the freezer. "Nico and I went out for coffee this morning before I ran errands."

As she continued to put the food away, she sensed her mother was displeased with her. By now she would've asked her how her day was or if the grocery store was packed. She opened the pantry and set the kale chips on the top shelf.

"I would've been home earlier, but Eli called me. She's arrived in the U.S."

Her mother raised her eyebrows, interest piqued. "And you couldn't be home to talk on the phone with her?"

"...Well, it just happened by chance that I was out when she called me."

"Oh. I see."

Something still felt off. Nozomi didn't want to converse with her mother about this topic right now, but her mother was basically laying it out in front of her. As she turned to open the refrigerator, she decided just to indulge in the conversation.

"I… intentionally stayed out longer for when she called me."

She kept facing the fridge, avoiding having to look at her mother. There was a brief moment of unnerving silence between them, when she heard a can hit the table.

"So you evaded returning home so you could talk to Eli in private? What were you discussing that you needed to be alone?" She planted her hands on her hips.

Quickly searching for the right words or even just an excuse to get her out of this situation, Nozomi didn't move.

"Nozomi. Look at me." Another moment passed, and her mother repeated, "Nozomi. _Look _at me."

She turned slowly, feeling incredibly small as those fierce eyes cut into her. The distance between them was decent enough for her make a run for it, but she didn't dare.

"You have feelings for her, don't you? You want to kiss her, don't you?"

When Nozomi didn't answer, she took that as a 'yes.'

"Do your fantasies involve her too? Do you think of Eli in that way?"

Her chest tightened as tears threatened to break. She wasn't going to deny it, because her mother already knew what she felt for Eli. They've talked about it before, but it never went well. Nozomi took a breath.

"Yes, mother… I have feelings for her. Strong feelings."

Her mother pushed her fingers through her curly black hair. It was graying at the roots, and the years have been a bit harsh on her dark circles and wrinkled skin. She looked strained and even distressed, and Nozomi knew that it wasn't aging that caused all of it.

"Nozomi, when you first told me about this little crush you had, I wasn't worried. It's normal to be curious." She pulled a hair tie off of her wrist and tied her hair back into a careless bun.

"But it's gotten to be too much now. We are a Christian family, and no daughter of mine is a _lesbian._"

Nozomi was unable to move; she wiped the corners of her eyes but it was no use as the tears continued to spill and stain her cheeks. She didn't make a sound, her mother standing across from her with her arms crossed.

"I do _not _want to see any girls coming over for you to impurify our home. This is meant to be a holy place, and I want to keep it that way. You are not to be open about this issue in front of our family members or friends. I don't want you spending time with that Nico girl anymore, either; she's a negative influence!"

She went off on a list of rules for Nozomi to follow, stopping herself after seeing her daughter crying. With a frustrated sigh and dismissive wave of her hand, she said, "Just go. Leave my sight."

Nozomi tilted her head down, hair falling and covering her face as she went up to her room. She crawled onto her bed and hugged the nearest teddy bear in an attempt to comfort herself. This type of conversation wasn't new, but this had been the worst of them. Nozomi couldn't remember the last time her mother made her cry; it was probably when she was little and she wasn't allowed to get a snow cone at the amusement park.

Nozomi hated the fact that she had been crying so often recently. It used to be something that was reserved for romance movies or laughing too hard; she just gets light-headed and dehydrated now.

Thinking back on what just happened, Nozomi brought her knees to her chest so she was lying in the fetal position. Her mother was usually quite calm and kindhearted, but Nozomi could tell that she was about to lose her cool towards the end. Even if she hadn't raised her voice, what she said still stung like hand sanitizer on an open wound. Her mother said "lesbian" like it was a swear word.

Nozomi forced herself to sit up, head heavy. She brushed her hair back off of her face and used the sleeve of her sweater to dry her eyes. Even with the pounding headache, she reached for her phone and headphones to put some music on. Videos of Muse popped up on the screen, making her smile nostalgically. Listening to the songs and looking at them dance and sing in Kotori's cute designs made her go into her own little world for a while.

With No Brand Girls blasting in her ears, she got up and made her way to the window, drawing the curtains to the side. She rested her elbows on the windowsill, gazing up at the darkening sky. There were only a few stars out, when she laid her eyes on that one star with the boldest color.

"Eli-cci…" she whispered. "Please, get me out of here."

* * *

**A/N: Hello again! I'm sorry for the longer wait for the chapter, but here it is! I've been listening to Never Lose Your Flames by Issues lately, and that song definitely helped inspire me for this chapter. Nozomi's mother has very narrow-minded views on her daughter and her interests. Anyways, thank you for reading and supporting this story! Have a lovely rest of your week and I will see you soon xx**


	7. Chapter 7

The cellphone was lowered from her ear and dropped back into her carry-on bag. Rubbing her eyes with her hands, Eli let out a breath. That conversation with Nozomi made her insides turn. She didn't understand why she had been feeling this way lately, but it happened whenever she was with her or talked to her. The "I love you"s at the end of their conversation frustrated her and she was tempted to call Nozomi back.

She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. It was not the time to dwell on things like that; she needed to focus on school now. With a brave face, she grabbed her suitcase from leaning against the wall. People traveling for business or pleasure walked by her in every direction. Everyone looked so intimidating and like they knew exactly what they were doing. Eli knew that America was a country known for its freedom, but she still felt like an outsider. Maybe that was just because she had only been there for about ten minutes.

Grabbing a granola bar from the nearest shop inside the airport, she then left and walked down to the bus stop to wait for public transport. She'd never rode on a bus before; she mostly drove herself or took the train. The big black vehicle pulled up to the curb and the double doors were opened. She was among the last of the group of people to step on. There were a couple of empty rows, but she took the one closest to the front. The bus stayed parked at the curb for a few more minutes before finally shutting the doors and heading off.

The bus ride wasn't too long, but it felt dragged on. Eli pulled out a book to read to pass the time but couldn't concentrate. It was a novel she had read cover to cover so many times already anyway. She had plenty of time to feel nervous about college during the ten hour plane ride, and Nozomi had succeeded in reassuring her for a bit, but the nerves still found their way back to her. She was exhausted, but refused to close her eyes in fear of falling asleep and missing the stop. It was irrational, but still she forced herself to stay awake.

The bus pulled to a stop in a large place with tall buildings and lots of traffic. She had arrived in Queens, New York. Taking a deep breath, she tied her hair back into a ponytail, her signature look. Everyone else on the bus stood up so she stood up too, grabbing her bag and suitcase. After getting off, she walked over to a sidewalk and stood there. The people on the bus either got into cars or walked away, and, to put simply, Eli was lost. She had been okay up until this very moment. A young man was walking past her toward the bus stop, when she stopped him, hoping her English wouldn't fail her.

"Uh, please, wait," she said, her thick Japanese accent making it a bit difficult. The man turned around, and Eli relaxed a little. He looked friendly and nonthreatening. She hoped.

"Huh?"

Eli stood completely still.

"Can… can you tell me how to get to Long Island City?"

Something seemed to click for him, like he completely understood everything.

"Are you trying to get to a university?"

Eli quickly opened her bag, frantically rummaging around to find the papers. She pulled them out and unfolded them.

"Um… T-Touro Law Center?"

He took the paper from her and reached for a pen from his coat pocket. He wrote a small block of words and numbers that Eli wasn't quite familiar with.

"From here, you're gonna walk straight back, take a left at the light and then keep walking until you hit the park. After that take a right and keep walking until you get to the other bus stop. Then take the bus to this address," he tapped the paper with his finger, "Okay?"

Eli just looked at him, so he repeated it. Then she understood, so she nodded and smiled. "Ari- uh, th-thank you."

He chuckled. "Good luck finding your way, and get working on that English." He walked away, leaving Eli to stand there in silence for a minute. She let out a breath, relieved that he was so kind and helpful. She readjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder and turned to start walking. She hoped that she wouldn't take a wrong turn or anything.

Eli walked slowly, going over his directions again and again so she wouldn't forget.

"Walk straight… then take a left... " she stopped.

Uh oh. Which way was left again?

"God damnit, Eli," she thought, cursing herself. "How could you forget which way was left and which way was right?"

She held out both hands, clenching her fists. She stuck out her pointer finger and thumb on each hand. One hand resembled the English letter "L."

"Oh, okay. Left means _this _way." She turned said direction and continued on her way, grateful she took the time to learn that little trick. She kept walking until she saw what somewhat looked like a park with a metal fence around it. There was trash on the ground, and the benches were obviously old and worn down. She went past it and took a right. Another bus stop came into view and she smiled, relieved.

There was a lot more people getting on this bus than the last one. As she stepped up to the bus driver, she presented the address on the paper. He nodded and Eli went farther back. She found a spot, putting her bags on the shelf above the seats and sat down next to an older woman.

Another long ride, and yet again Eli couldn't focus on reading because of the anticipation. She was so much closer to the college, and she still couldn't believe that she was actually here. She found herself lost once more, but this time it was in her thoughts, and before she knew it, they had arrived at her destination. Stumbling as she stood up, she almost dropped her bags from taking them down. She thanked the bus driver as she got off and froze after stepping onto the concrete.

The university was enormous. Despite the cold weather, tons of students were scattered around the campus, and Eli knew that at least a good chunk of them weren't even incoming freshman. The building itself was incredibly tall and had many glass windows. Eli could feel her own heart beating in her chest as she tried to tell herself to relax. She gripped the handle of her suitcase tighter and began to walk forward. A few kids glanced at her as she went past them, trying to look like she knew exactly what she was doing. A couple of postgraduates were standing on the wide steps, smiling as people walked into the school. Eli went up to the girl on the bottom step.

"Hi! Need some help?" Eli was surprised by her loud voice and overly friendly tone. She just nodded.

The girl gestured with her arm, "Go inside the building and take an immediate right to the main office. Give your name and information and they'll set you up with your schedule for the semester and your dorm room number."

"Thank you." Eli climbed up the rest of the steps and was in the office in no time. There were multiple other students in there already standing in line. She pushed her way to the back of the line and waited. When she finally got up to the front desk, a thin woman with glasses greeted her.

"Name?"

"Ayase Eli- wait, no I mean Eli Ayase."

The woman tilted her head down to look at the computer screen over her frames. "Spell that?"

"E-l-i A-y-a-s-e."

"Oh okay, you're here." She clicked the mouse probably a hundred more times, and scooted her chair over to the printer behind her. She pulled out two pieces of paper.

She slid the first paper toward Eli. "Your schedule. This also has your dorm room and floor number on it." Then the second paper.

"This is general information and rules as well as a map on the back. Oh, and a list of extracurricular activities incase you're interested in those." The woman clicked the computer mouse again, focusing her attention back on the screen.

"Textbook rentals will be in the library after orientation. Good luck and thank you for choosing TLC." Her monotone voice certainly didn't make Eli feel welcome, but she smiled at the woman anyway and walked out of the office. She probably had repeated those words to thousands of kids today, so Eli was understanding.

She flipped the paper over to look at the map. While making her way over to the dormitory, realization struck her. The dorms were _coed._ Meaning there will be rooms with girls living in them along with rooms with boys. The roommates were kept same-sex, but Eli had gone to all-girls schools her entire life. She never even had a class with a boy in it before. Not that she despised men, she just wasn't used to socializing with them. Not to mention, all of her friends were female.

She got to the dormitory and stepped into an available elevator, punching the illuminated button for the nineteenth floor. Her nerves had not calmed down and the butterflies in her stomach only continued to flutter around more. She arrived at the appropriate floor and walked slowly down the hall, searching for room 188. Some kids were standing around and talking, and someone called out "freshman!" as Eli passed them by. She hoped her roommate wouldn't be psycho or messy or just unpleasant overall.

The door to 188 was closed. Eli hesitated, then raised her fist and knocked. There was a "come in" from the other side, so she pushed the door open, faithful. There was a girl taping up an explicit poster on the wall, which looked like it came straight out of a porn magazine. She noticed Eli walk in and approached her.

The girl had long brown hair tied back in a messy bun. One side of her head was shaved, and Eli assumed it looked a lot better when her hair was down. Even though it was chilly, she wore a tank top with a band logo on it, ripped denim shorts, an oversized cardigan, and a pair of black sneakers. She even had a nose ring and a metal bar going through her cartilage. The girl looked Eli up and down.

"You're my roommate?" she asked. Eli nodded, letting go of her suitcase.

She smirked. "Name's Rosalina, but that name sucks, so everyone just calls me Lee. You?"

"Eli."

Lee nodded slowly. "Cool, cool. Well I hope you don't mind how I did the place. I dunno if you have any shit you wanna hang up or somethin' but don't take anything down, 'kay? We're both living here so we gotta make it work. Also I took the top bunk 'cause I was here first."

Eli glanced at the dirty poster that was just hung up. "I won't remove anything."

"Wow, your accent is thick as hell. You fresh outta China or somethin'?"

"Japan, actually."

"Oh sweet. I watch anime sometimes but you know it's not really my thing."

Eli forced herself to refrain from rolling her eyes.

Lee continued to look at Eli as if she was trying to figure something out. The silence was awkward, and Eli felt even more uncomfortable.

"I just haveta' know- are you into guys or girls? Or both?"

Eli's cheeks flared. She wasn't expecting this question.

Lee tapped her chin. "Oh, I get it. You're confused."

Eli froze as Lee closed in on her, hooking her fingers underneath her scarf and pulling it off of her. She pressed her face into Eli's neck, inhaling sharply.

"Oh my god, you are so damn gay I can _smell _it on you." She stepped back, letting her hand linger on Eli's collar bone.

A different side of Lee seemed to come out, as her eyes narrowed. "College is the best time to experiment, you know."

Eli wanted nothing more to get back on a plane and fly home. She wanted to get out of this room, this building, this country. She wondered how someone like Lee even got accepted into law school. This girl was creeping her out, and she wished she could've at least had a roommate who was normal.

She took a step back. "Lee… I don't want to… 'experiment' with you." Lee stepped forward, smiling.

"Okay. We can just be friends."

Friends. Yeah right.

In a lower voice, she added, "For now."

* * *

Orientation was long, but very helpful. The school was huge, so Eli was certain she'd only get lost the first two weeks or so. All of the freshman followed the energetic tour director to the library for textbook rental. Eli was confused as to why the books were so heavy and so expensive. The textbooks were the least of her problems, as she had to go back to that room everyday. That room she'd be living in for a year or so. By the end of it all, it was pretty late and everyone was heading back to the dorms.

"Classes start on Monday at 8 a.m! Don't be late!" the tour director called out as everyone walked away. Eli sighed as she got back to the nineteenth floor and walked down to the end of the hall. Lee was sitting at the desk in her panties and a camisole, watching a video on a laptop.

"Hey babes. How was orientation?"

Eli rolled her eyes at "babes." She set her books down on the desk beside Lee's computer.

"It was fine. I know my way around better." Eli turned to face the bunk beds, crossing her arms to lift the hem of her dress and pull it off over her head. While unhooking her bra, she heard a whistle from behind her.

"Hey sexy, you wanna turn around so I can sneak a little peek?"

Eli dropped her clothes to the floor and quickly pulled on a large tee shirt and a pair of spandex shorts. She picked up the pile and tossed it into the hamper by the door. She flicked off the light switch before walking back to the bunk bed.

"I'm going to bed now." Lee smiled at her, watching her crawl under the covers.

"Goodnight," she said, blowing her a kiss. Eli laid on her side to face the wall, staring at the light coming from Lee's computer screen. She didn't know if she could last an entire school year like this. Her mind wandered to Nozomi, back home in Japan.

"Nozomi…" she thought, biting her thumb. "Get me out of here."

* * *

**A/N: Hello again! This chapter was super long, but I feel it is necessary to have a chapter or two in the point of view of Eli! There was a bit of catching up to do with her, so that's why it took me a little longer to get this up. But do not fret, for the next chapters will be back to our Nozomi. I understand that this story is a bit slow, but that's just me trying to figure it all out and do my best to make each chapter worth reading! Thank you so much for the support you have given me _and _this story. I hope your weekend is relaxing and I'll be seeing you xx **


	8. Chapter 8

The wooden pew she sat on was hard on her back, and the sermon was probably longer than it really needed to be, but Nozomi truly did enjoy going to church. Their pastor was a short, glasses-wearing man who could talk all day if you'd let him, but his religious views inspired Nozomi along with the rest of the congregation. When listening to his words, she felt relief and ready to start her week off fresh. She would sit completely straight out of pure respect for the man and just listen to him and his passion for Christianity. It made Nozomi think that maybe a world where one could be spiritual and homosexual wasn't portrayed as so farfetched; she really hoped.

Her mother sat still next to her, attention concentrated on their pastor. She had been acting as if the whole argument the other day hadn't even occurred. Not that Nozomi really wanted to dwell on it again, but it bothered her that her mother had just swept it under the rug like it didn't need to be dealt with. Though it did feel nice to talk about topics such as "how'd you sleep last night?" instead of "you should be ashamed for something you have no control over." When they actually did have conversations, that is. Underneath all that, Nozomi knew that she was just trying too hard to be both parents. Ever since Nozomi's father left them when Nozomi was just old enough to remember his face, she had been paranoid and overprotective.

It was about ten minutes after twelve, and Pastor was just wrapping up his sermon. Everyone stood up from the pews and said their goodbyes to one another. Nozomi wrapped the sides of her cardigan around her as she followed behind her mother. She was stopped a couple of times by older women complimenting her and telling her how much she's grown into a young lady, but she was able to avert them with a smile and some quick "thank you's."

The car ride home was silent and tense; turning on the radio was a failed attempt to make things a little less awkward. Nozomi slid out of her flats and kicked up her feet on the dashboard. Her mother looked over at her and sighed.

"Nozomi, please put your feet down." Her voice was small, but assertive and mother-like. She slowly lowered her legs from the dash and opted for leaning against the door instead. She had felt irritable since she woke up this morning, and she was looking forward to getting home and probably taking a nap. Nozomi was feeling the slightest bit cheerful after church, but the only thing she wanted right now was to be alone. Maybe even talk to Eli, but she wasn't in the mood to be a productive member of society today. After arriving at home and climbing out of the car, Nozomi's mother laid her hand softly on her shoulder.

"Do you think you could… work a little bit today? Before the girls come over?"

"The girls" meaning the women from her book club who meet regularly. Nozomi didn't particularly like or dislike them, really. They were her mother's friends, so she'd be respectful.

"And… let's not bring up the events of yesterday while they're here." Nozomi lowered her eyes to the ground, nodding quickly.

"That's my girl."

They walked inside, Nozomi heading for her room while her mother went straight to the kitchen, probably to make herself some tea and set up. Nozomi turned to shut the door closed with her back, standing there for a minute. It was becoming extremely difficult for her to resist slapping her mother in the face. She knew she was trying her hardest to be "Mom of the Year" and to make their family "normal," but truly they were anything but. It'd take some time to ease the tension between them, but Nozomi wished her mother wouldn't let something like this just roll off her back. She wished they could have a heart-to-heart that ended in understanding and acceptance and tears of joy.

She pushed herself off of the wall with a pounding headache and went to take her robes from her closet. The hangers were all tangled together and hanging on each other, making it a challenge to pull out just one. Nozomi really had to organize the monstrosity sooner or later. She finally was able to take down her robes, but a little black dress fell out when she did. Upon picking it back up, her chest felt as if it folded in on itself. This was the dress that Eli had persuaded her to buy, even if it was a bit too much for a magazine interview.

"_Ah, I don't know Eli-cci. It's very… scandalous." The blonde laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind Nozomi's ear. _

"_Nozomi, you look amazing. You should definitely get this one." Nozomi and Eli were out at a local boutique on the hunt for an elegant dress. They were being interviewed for a magazine article plus a photo shoot afterwards, and for sure wanted to dress to impress. Nozomi was having trouble picking just the right one, when Eli had suggested this dress that was high on her thighs and snug to her body. Appropriate for going clubbing, but not so much an interview._

_She turned to the side to look at her behind in the tall mirror. Eli was smiling, wearing a teal dress of similar shape. She was obviously intending for them to match, but Nozomi wasn't sure of how she felt in this dress. Eli looked stunning no doubt, and it took every ounce of strength within her not to stare. She had said before how she would love to see Eli in a sexy dress, but she wasn't expecting this day to actually come._

"_You know you look great in that dress." Nozomi couldn't help but be swayed by Eli's words and icy voice. The more she talked, the more Nozomi considered buying it. She knew she didn't look even half as good as Eli in it, what with her long legs and slender core. Yet she still felt empowered in a dress like this and because of the blonde convincing her._

"_Maybe… maybe I will get it."_

"_Yes, you should. Really, it flatters your figure so incredibly well, Nozomi." She turned to have her back facing her._

"_Could you unzip for me?" _

_Nozomi blinked a couple times before raising her shaking hands to undo the clasp and pull the thin zipper down. Eli had decided to go bare underneath her dress, and Nozomi was overwhelmed with the beauty of the blonde's back. Fine lines and hard edges poked through her pale and delicate skin. Not a single mark or scratch to be found. Oh, how Nozomi longed to plant butterfly kisses on the pristine surface and massage the ashen flesh whenever her muscles ached. _

_She snapped back to reality, almost losing her balance. Luckily it went unnoticed by Eli, for she just thanked her and proceeded to undress. Nozomi quickly stepped to the other corner of the changing room and pulled her own garment off over her head._

The dress was tossed back into the mess of a closet and Nozomi wrapped herself in her robes. She put her hair up in her usual bun, not bothering to pin the flyaways back. Taking a deep breath, she headed out back. Now was not the time to reminisce about things that happened in the past. It was still chilly outside with some strong winds. There were more crunchy leaves scattered all along the shrine; she grabbed the broom from leaning against the wall and got to work. She was in her own little world, cleaning and humming to herself, when she heard footsteps nearing her.

"Nozomi-chan!" She looked up, smiling once she saw who it was.

"Honoka! How are you?" The girls shared a firm hug, something they hadn't done in a while.

"I'm great, Nozomi-chan! School starts tomorrow though, so now it's back to homework and exams. Wah…" she pouted, slouching her posture. Nozomi chuckled.

"That's right, you're a third year now, correct? Have you thought about colleges at all?" Honoka shot straight up, waving her arms around madly.

"No no no! I haven't thought that far ahead! I came to wish for good luck on my last year being at Otonokizaka!" She beamed brightly at Nozomi, readjusting her mittens. Nozomi was grateful for her friends who were still around her.

"Thank you, Honoka-cci, I greatly appreciate that you came to visit! What about Umi and Kotori? You usually are always with them."

"Well Nozomi-chan, they don't need luck when it comes to grades." Another pout, and Nozomi laughed again. It felt nice to talk to Honoka like this; she was always the one in Muse who cheered everyone up if they ever had a poor practice or they were off during a performance. Nozomi opened her mouth to respond, when she heard the door open from behind them. Her mother popped her head out; curious at first, as if she was just looking for Nozomi, and then the slightest bit agitated.

"Nozomi! Come on inside!" The ladies must be there, Nozomi guessed. She sighed, sweeping the last of the leaves. As much as she wanted to continue talking, she knew her mother needed her. She set the broom down and gave Honoka a final hug before she went to make her wish. Nozomi stepped inside the house to meet her mother, who pulled her to the kitchen.

"Nozomi… I thought I said no girls over." Nozomi crossed her arms, finding enough strength to look her mother in the eye.

"She's my _friend, _Mother. And she was visiting the shrine, not just me." Her mother relaxed slightly, appearing to have given in. With a deep inhale of breath, she put on a smile.

"Bring out the tea for us, please honey?"

"Which one?"

"The white tea."

Nozomi agreed, and her mother lightly kissed her forehead, walking back to the dining room. She set the pot on the stove to boil some water before standing on her toes to reach the bag of white tea leaves. While waiting for the water, she decided it would be polite to greet her mother's guests. Nozomi stopped just before the dining room, noticing her mother talking to a woman away from the others.

"Listen, Ayako, I know for a fact that it's legitimate!" Nozomi held herself still, knowing it was wrong to eavesdrop, but she was curious.

"I don't know…" her mother trailed off, shaking her head.

"It worked for my son, you know. Why not just… give it a shot?" Nozomi turned to get back to preparing the tea. As she watched it steep, she couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about, and what her mother's friend was trying to persuade her to do. She removed the strainer from the steamy water and carried the pot out to the group of women. They all smiled and greeted her as she poured their tea for them. The one that her mother was talking to looked the friendliest, but it also seemed like she was observing her.

* * *

**A/N: It's been a little while, but here is chapter 8! I had final exams last week and was quite busy studying for those, but now school is out so I will hopefully be more productive when it comes to writing these chapters! Thank you for sticking with this story nonetheless! **

**Regarding a comment that was made: I admit, I am a bit ignorant when it comes to Japanese culture, but I assumed the majority of those reading this story would be a Western audience. I figured having the mother be a closed-minded Christian would be more relatable; it is a current issue in the U.S. after all! I do understand that Nozomi only works at the shrine in the series, but I wanted to put a little twist on it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work! **

**I appreciate all of the things that people have said, and it means a lot that you help me out like this! See you soon xx  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Heyo! Geez, 9 chapters already. Thank you again for sticking with this story! I assure you, things will pick up a little more after this. It is still kinda slow, but I think that's just my writing style. Do enjoy! xx**

* * *

"She really says all those things to you?" With a foot propped up on the kitchen table and her cell phone pressed to her ear with her shoulder, Nozomi was trying to paint her toenails and give moral support to Eli at the same time. It had been two and a half weeks since she'd arrived in America, and they were in the middle of a much needed "update call."

"It grosses me out! I can't even walk into the room without some remark from her. I could be wearing a hoodie and baggy jeans and she'd _still _probably make a comment." Nozomi was now trying to paint her nails, give moral support, and contain her annoyance all at once. Who does this girl think she is, anyway? She accidentally swiped the brush on the skin of her toe, muttering a "crap." She readjusted her cellphone.

"That's considered sexual harassment, you know." A frustrated sigh on the other end, and Nozomi felt sympathy for her. College was hard enough, and now she's forced to deal with some psycho, perverted girl every day. Nozomi knew that this was taking an emotional toll on her.

"Yes, well, it's a good thing she doesn't know Japanese, because she's in the room as we speak." The two laughed in unison; it was a good thing indeed. Hearing Eli genuinely laugh made the world seem balanced again, and Nozomi pictured her face in her mind. Missing her toe nail with the polish completely snapped her out of it. Maybe she wasn't cut out for having pretty painted toes.

Nozomi listened to Eli talk more about how she was getting accustomed to American culture and her classes; learning in English was apparently a whole lot harder than Eli originally thought. Nozomi screwed the cap back onto the nail polish, ultimately giving up and letting her eyes droop closed. It was like everything had stopped and the only thing that mattered was Eli's sweet voice. Every word that left her mouth was dipped in honey and Nozomi was completely swayed by her. After a little while, Nozomi opened her eyes and lowered her cell phone to check the time. 9 a.m.

"Eli-cci, shouldn't you be getting to bed?" That was something she had completely forgot about. America ran on a 13 hour time difference than Japan, so for Eli it was currently 10 p.m. Nozomi sat up straight, disappointed in herself that she kept her on the phone until late. The blonde needed her rest, after all.

"Gosh, Nozomi. Relax!" she chuckled. "You don't need to worry about me like that. I was just about to turn in anyways." Nozomi bit her lip, refraining from saying something inappropriately romantic.

"Well, goodnight. I'll talk to you soon." The tone of her voice was suddenly dropped and she now talked more smoothly and it was clear that she was tired.

"Goodnight, Eli-cci. Dream sweetly." With that, the call was ended and Nozomi was left to sit in silence. These conversations always seemed too short, too rushed. She wished she could've spent more time with Eli while they were still in school, and she wished she could've taken her time with her when they hung out. Nozomi wished she would've slowed things down.

She stood up and walked on her heels to the fridge to grab something to eat for breakfast and start her long day of most likely doing nothing. It was getting old, this daily routine. Wake up, eat breakfast, free time, eat lunch, free time, work, free time, dinner, free time, go to bed. Especially with her mother's "no friends" rule, she was stuck all by her lonesome. Nozomi wasn't the type of person who needed to be surrounded by people all the time, but she missed simply going out for lunch or having movie nights.

Her heels were hurting but knocking her toes on the edge of the fridge while she reached for the milk was not a risk she was willing to take. She managed to grab the jug from the very back of the top shelf and kick the door closed. The box of generic brand cereal was conveniently placed near the front of the pantry, easy to take. Just as she was pouring some into a bowl, her mother came inside dressed in her robes.

"Good morning, dear," she greeted her cheerfully. Nozomi smiled at her as she set the corn flakes to the side.

"Good morning. Any visitors?"

"A grandmother and two kids! Isn't that great?"

"Oh, good." She poured the milk.

"So, honey. There's something I should tell you." Nozomi looked up from drowning her corn flakes. It seemed important, but with her mother, Nozomi could never be sure. She nodded at her, silently encouraging her to continue.

"I… my friend asked me if you would be interested in going out to dinner with her son tonight, and I said yes." The milk spilled over the edge of the bowl; Nozomi lifted the jug and stepped back from the mess. Her mother pressed her lips together in distress.

"Mother… why would you do that?" She ripped a few paper towels from the roll on the counter top. "I don't even… know him." Nice save.

"I know honey, I know. I just thought it would be… good for you to go out and have some fun. You're always cooped up at home anyway." Nozomi was once again trying to contain her annoyance, while wiping up the milk. She knew that wasn't the real reason her mother had set her up with her friend's son, so she could "go out and have some fun." She knew the result her mother wanted to get from this: Nozomi would end up liking the boy, eventually go out with him, get married and have children with him. She wanted Nozomi to date a boy, and that upset her. As she cleaned, she heaved out an exasperated sigh. She knew there was no way she could back out of this; she had to just suck it up for one night. She could surely handle that, couldn't she?

"Alright, mother," she said, standing up to throw the paper towels away. "I'll go on the date." Her mother smiled a smile that obviously meant she was relieved that Nozomi didn't argue. Nozomi would do this for her mother and then return to hiding in the corner and liking cute girls. Cute blonde girls, specifically.

"Goodness, thank you, Nozomi. I appreciate your willingness, but I know you'll have a grand time! Try to keep an open mind, yes?"

"Look who's talking," she thought. Nozomi just smiled at her and shoved a spoonful of soggy cornflakes in her mouth.

* * *

Her mother's huge grin made Nozomi unbelievably flustered as she came down the stairs. She hadn't looked this happy even when Nozomi dressed up for prom. She had settled on a purple short sleeved crop top, a gathered black skirt pulled a little higher up on her waist, and a pair of flats to match. She threw on a dark gray cardigan so she wouldn't completely freeze from the crisp air. Nozomi was trying to impress her mother more than the guy; she kept her hair in her everyday low pigtails instead of really doing something with it. Her mother cupped her face in her hands.

"Beautiful! Just beautiful," she praised, pulling her daughter in for a hug. Nozomi hesitated, then wrapped her arms loosely around her mother. She told herself over and over that it was only one night; one night and that's it. Nozomi was overreacting a bit, and she knew that. Taking a deep breath, she pulled away from her mother. Ayako searched her face for a sign of nervousness or discomfort. Nozomi just nodded at her as some kind of reassurance. The simplicity of going out on a date was no longer present when it came to Nozomi and her mother, as they spent the next 5 minutes like this before the doorbell broke it off. Her mother stepped to the side, gesturing for her to go over and answer it herself. Nozomi padded to the door, unsure of what to expect when she opened it.

Well… he was cute.

His hair was platinum blonde and obviously dyed; his roots were starting to come back. The bangs were longer than the back of his hair and swooshed to the side. His dark eyes looked Nozomi up and down, taking in her shapely figure. He wore a gray sweater on top of a button down shirt and necktie tucked in. He smiled a crooked smile at her.

"May I come in?" he asked, taking his hands out of his pockets. Nozomi blinked, then made room for him to walk in. He greeted Ayako first, introduced himself and then turned to Nozomi.

"My name's Ryouta, it's a pleasure to meet you." Nozomi tugged the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands.

"Likewise, I'm Nozomi." She put on a friendly face. With a final hug from her mother, Nozomi was off with her date, praying it all goes well. The car ride was quiet for the most part, until Ryouta decided to speak up.

"I, uh, we're going to a small place I know down by the park. Is that okay?" Nozomi could tell right off the bat that he was very sweet, and tonight wouldn't be too bad. She sat properly in the car seat, legs crossed.

"Yes, that's perfectly fine." Ryouta sighed, and Nozomi sensed relief from it. She looked over slightly to examine him. He kept both hands on the steering wheel the entire time, and his eyes often darted from side to side as he was trying to watch everything that surrounded them. Sometimes he'd lessen the grip of one hand to let it shake. The cool, collected boy that Nozomi had just met was gone, and was replaced with a nervous wreck.

They walked inside the dim, cramped restaurant together and took a seat toward the back. Ryouta pulled out Nozomi's chair for her, and she thanked him as she sat down. An order of ice water and an iced tea later, and still not a word was spoken. Nozomi knew she should at least try to break the ice; he was the opposite of intimidating.

"So, Ryouta." He perked up. "What are your plans for college?" she asked, sipping her iced tea. He scratched the back of his head.

"Well, actually I'm not going to college. I'm pursuing web design as a career, so I went straight to work after I graduated." Nozomi nodded to let him know she was listening. Ryouta seemed like the kind of guy who often needed reassurance.

"So you're into computers and technology, then? That's interesting, and definitely not my area of expertise."

"What do you do, Nozomi?"

"To be completely honest, I don't know. We don't have enough money in order for me to attend, so even if I knew what I wanted to do, it would be useless. So for right now, I'm just at home working at our shrine."

"Oh, I noticed it when I arrived at your house earlier. Are you religious?"

"Yes, I am. I try my best to be faithful, anyway."

Conversation was going smoothly, and Nozomi was actually enjoying herself. Not that she wanted to admit it, but she figured they could at least be friends after this. Ryouta was pretty cool. After they were almost completely finished with their dinner, it seemed as if there was something that was really bothering him. Nozomi figured she shouldn't just leave him like that, so in the midst of talking about his older brother, she was going to ask him. But she didn't have to. Ryouta stopped himself, put his fork down.

"Nozomi… I'm having a nice time… and you're really great, but… ah." He held his breath.

"I'm… not into girls." He squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating some backlash or some kind of rude criticism. Nozomi's eyes widened, and then she relaxed, placing a hand on top of his. His hesitantly opened eyes were met with a gentle smile.

"You're not attracted to girls, but I am." Ryouta blinked, as if he was trying to process what she just said.

"You… you are?" A nod. He let out a shaky laugh, which caused his cheeks to flare.

"Gosh, then how did we end up here?"

"Our mothers set this up, like we're 13. Your mother doesn't approve of you either?"

"It feels really good to know someone understands. She has all these different remedies to try and 'cure' me. Herbal medicines, teas, you name it.'" Ryouta shook his head. "I'm working on saving enough money to get my own place. Once I do, I'm outta there."

It was a strange, yet pleasant surprise. Ryouta had opened up to Nozomi more, and he seemed to be a lot more comfortable with her. She now understood that the nerves he had earlier weren't first date butterflies, but he had the truth hovering over him. Nozomi herself was relieved that this was how their night went down, and she had enjoyed herself.

Back in Ryouta's car parked in front of Nozomi's house, the two sat for a little while. Nozomi thought more on it, and she realized that that woman who was sitting next to her own mother at the book club the other day was Ryouta's mother. She felt pity for the boy, but there was a bit of jealousy in the depths of her heart; jealousy because he was able to eventually financially support himself and live on his own and get on with his life. Nozomi hated that she was constantly haunted by the fact that _she_ couldn't leave and had no choice but to live with her mother. She hated this feeling of being stuck, trapped inside of a cement box. It wasn't her fault that her mother had false hope.

"It's pretty late now, so I guess I should be getting home. I had fun tonight, Nozomi. We should keep in touch." Snapping out of her thoughts, she agreed. With an exchange of cell phone numbers and an awkwardly placed hug, they went their separate ways. Nozomi wasn't sure how she felt at that moment, but it was somewhere in the middle of content, confused, and solicitous.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello, long time no see! I just want to apologize for kind of disappearing for a while. I've been procrastinating so _horribly _on this story, and for a little bit my motivation was diminishing. But now, I'm back and I know what I want for this story, and I have in my head how things are going to play out. I'm no professional, and some things I _am _still trying to figure out, but I greatly appreciate the support I have gotten thus far. I refuse to leave this unfinished! I hope you enjoy this as I'm getting back into the swing of things. See you again soon! xx**

* * *

The only source of light in the room was from reruns of a ridiculous cartoon playing on the TV. A bag of chocolate candies in her hand as she spent the night on the couch of the living room dressed in baggy sweats. Nozomi wasn't even paying attention to the show as she subconsciously fed herself the sweets, eyes glazing over. She wasn't in the mood to do anything, and she sure wasn't up to interacting with other people. Today had been exhausting.

She heard the front door being unlocked, opened, then closed. Footsteps gradually became louder as they neared her and turned into the kitchen that connected to the living room. She pretended to pay attention to the TV, but ended up just questioning herself why she even bothered. Her mother was going to annoy her anyway.

"Hi honey," she said, standing at the entrance. Nozomi looked over at her, her presence alone made irritation boil in the pit of her stomach. She said nothing, letting her eyes do the greeting for her.

"Sorry I was gone for so long," she said, laughing lightly. "You know how the ladies get on Friday nights." Her mother had spontaneously met up with her friends a couple of hours earlier, which told Nozomi that they were doing more than discussing Jesus and reading passages from the Bible to each other.

"Anyways, I picked up this new tea…"

Nozomi sighed, putting the bag of candies down and wrapping a loose strand of hair around her messy bun. Lack of sleep was the driving force of her agitation, her only desire some peace and quiet. As much as she felt the urge to snap at her mother, she held her tongue, as she knew that would only cause things to become worse.

"...it's this herbal blend, um, good for relaxation and all that. Will you try it with me?" That seemed a bit odd. Nozomi's mother never offered her some tea, she usually liked to keep it all to herself. But Nozomi just nodded, ultimately appeasing her. She chuckled as her mother happily skipped to the kitchen to prepare it. Maybe she should do the little things more often.

The bag of candies were set aside as her mother sat beside her on the couch, tucking her leg neatly underneath her, holding 2 steaming cups of tea. Nozomi took the one closest to her and gave it a sniff, surprised at how strong the scent was. Ayako watched her closely, eyeing every detail of her facial reaction as she took a sip. It tasted… different. Strange, really. Nozomi was confused by the tea's origins. She sat back.

"Mother, where did you even get this?" She just looked at her daughter for a moment, as if she was trying to piece together the correct response. The hesitation before answering was too long to be a normal pause, and Nozomi knew something was up.

"You know, this is the first time you asked me to try one of your new teas." Nozomi wanted to try and dig a little deeper before attacking her with accusations head-on.

"What makes this one so special that you wanted me to drink it too?" Her mother tapped her nail on the handle.

"Well, I…" she didn't finish her statement, just a shrug.

Time to bite the bullet.

"You haven't tasted yours yet either. And don't tell me because it's 'too hot,' because I know you better than that." Her mother sighed, setting the cup down on the coffee table.

"Look, Nozomi, I'm not playing this game anymore. This tea… this tea was given to me by one of my friends. It's supposed to help with impure thoughts…" Nozomi felt as if her chest had just been pelted with a rock. Trying this tea together wasn't a 'mother-daughter bonding moment,' it was Ayako trying to rewire her daughter's brain.

"It worked on her son, so I thought-" Nozomi stood up, spilling the hot tea onto the couch cushion.

"So you thought what? You thought you could somehow _fix_ me?"

"Nozomi," she replied, voice calm. "We talked about this." Nozomi opened her mouth to continue to argue, but slowly retreated. She noticed her mother just sat there, looking down at her hands folded in her lap. She noticed how she looked troubled by this, like it wasn't even her idea. Nozomi was tempted to break the news to her that the tea did not in fact work, but she decided it would be best not to give Ryouta away like that.

Her mother stayed completely still as Nozomi stormed out of the house, ignoring the spilled tea and trying to figure out how to channel her frustration. She hugged her arms to her body when the bitter air met her delicate skin. It was very late in the year, the first little puffs of snow gracefully drifting to the ground. She shivered throughout her entire body and her own breath was visible, but Nozomi preferred this than back home.

She was so upset with her mother. She was upset because Ayako had given her some sexuality-correcting tea, and she was upset because she wanted her mother to yell back at her. She wanted a reaction, some kind of retort. It was unsatisfying the way she had just sat there, self-pitying. Nozomi wasn't even paying attention to where she was going or how far she was walking. She just had to get away.

The harsh wind chilled her bones and whipped her loose hair around until she finally stopped at her old high school. Her legs had brought her to Otonokizaka, which only stirred up memories and past feelings she was just starting to forget. She walked up to the gate, draping her fingers around the bars as she looked at the building with fondness. Nozomi would not deny the happiness and enrichment that Muse brought to her life. Performing on stage was a feeling unlike any other, and she severely missed it, along with everyone else.

She fished in her hoodie pocket to grab her cell phone and dial Eli's phone number with a numb thumb. One ring… two rings… three… voicemail. Voicemail? Eli never let one of her calls go, even if she was in the middle of something. She tried again, and a third time, but each call had the same fate as the first. Her heart dropped as she jammed her phone back in her pocket.

Was Eli… ignoring her?

Nozomi shook her head, thinking it was ridiculous to be _hurt _by the possibility. Given the time of year, it was most likely exam season for her, so she had every right to reject calls and texts. But Nozomi couldn't help but feel it was something else. She couldn't help but feel forgotten. In a fit of rage, she kicked the gate, shooting pain to her toe immediately. Without Eli by her side, Nozomi was a mess. And she was the one who was usually sought out for advice. She sat down on the ground in a patch of fresh white snow, pulling out her phone again.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Ryouta. You'll never guess what just happened with my mom."


	11. Chapter 11

Winter Storm (Part ½)

A plush wreath hung on the outside of the front door, red ribbons and twinkling fairy lights decorated various areas of the house. A nutcracker on the coffee table and 2 homemade stockings hung from the lit fireplace, a crackling fire to keep everyone warm. Snowmen pillows and reindeer stuffed animals sat on the couch, just one room over from the kitchen crowded with an abundance of different cookies. There was a tall and lavish Christmas tree to top it all off, complete with white and silver ornaments and tinsel and an angel on the very top. Nozomi crawled down the ladder, taking a step back to admire her hard work. This was her favorite time of year, and this was the part she loved most. Decorating the house for all of her family to come over and spend Christmas Eve with. That was always the tradition: friends and family came over on Christmas Eve, and the next day it was just her and her mother spending the holiday together, making pancakes side by side and exchanging gifts. It truly was "the most wonderful time of the year," and the time she felt closest to her mother.

The interior was complete, so she headed upstairs to doll herself up. Her mother would be home soon to help finish setting up for their guests, which meant Nozomi didn't have all that much time to get ready. Even applying heaps of makeup and squeezing into a formal dress was enjoyable. She settled on a knee-length maroon dress with short sleeves and a white Peter Pan collar. She paired it with black lace tights and black ankle boots. Her face was kept simple, save for the dramatic brown eyeshadow and red lip. But it was a special occasion, so why not put in a little more? Nozomi even pinned her hair up in a neat little up-do. She turned around in the mirror, pleased with herself and experiencing this overall natural joy. The holidays put her in the greatest of moods.

The unlocking of the front door snapped her back to the present, indicating her mother was home and it was time to continue with the preparations. Nozomi trotted down the stairs to greet her, and was met with a firm hug and an enormous grin. Christmas surely had the same effect on Ayako, as she dropped everything to embrace her daughter and praise the house, along with how beautiful she looked.

"Everything is lovely, including you, dear," she complimented, kissing Nozomi's forehead. "I'm sure our guests will be pleased."

"I'm glad you like it, Mother." Ayako picked the bags back up, opening them for Nozomi to see.

"I did some last minute shopping and picked up some more creamer for the coffee and an apple pie, because the Lord knows I couldn't bake a pie to save my life," she said as she flicked her hand up. Nozomi just chuckled at her and took the bags to bring them into the kitchen. She put the creamer in the fridge and threw the pie in the oven to warm it before their house was filled with hungry people who gave up on trying to keep with their diet during the holiday season. Her mother went upstairs to do some touch-ups, leaving Nozomi to lean against the counter, taking a chocolate chip cookie from the nearest plate. She turned it around, examining every delicious detail. A bright smile stretched from ear to ear, showing teeth as she broke off a piece.

_The temperature outside was in the negatives, but Nozomi stood with Eli in her kitchen with her sleeves rolled back and her hair tied up off her face. A few days until Christmas, and Eli had invited her over to help bake festive cookies for the occasion. Her grandmother was old and her muscles were weak, but every year she made it tradition to bake with her grandchildren, plus Nozomi that year. She slowly stood up from the stool at the island, placing a hand on Eli's arm as she spoke softly in Russian to her. The blonde nodded, and Alisa helped their grandmother put her coat on. _

"_What did she say?" Nozomi asked, pausing her whisking and watching the two leave out the front door. Eli leaned over to look in through the window on the oven, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear that fell in front of her face. It was not until she decided that the cookies were most likely finished that she answered._

"_She and Alisa are running to the store to get some more red icing. Help me take this batch out?" Nozomi handed her 2 potholders, opening the oven door as she pulled the tray out with both hands. She set it down on the stove top and tossed the potholders to the side. She made a little "whew" sound as she wiped the back of her hand across her forehead. Baking was tough work. _

_Eli addressed another tray of cookies beside that one, which had been taken out earlier. She pressed the tip of her finger into the middle to dent it ever so slightly, testing the temperature. That one cookie would vouch for the rest of them, because they were all dumped onto a large decorative plate._

"_Harasho! Bring the icing over here so we can start doing this set," Eli commanded, pointing an authoritative finger at her best friend. Nozomi saluted her and grabbed the mixing bowl. _

"_Good thing your grandmother and sister went to pick up some more, because there's really not that much-" An act of embarrassment caused by negligence was why Nozomi had been unable to finish her statement. Knocking her hip on the oven door left partially open, she stumbled into Eli and was only an inch or so away from her face; her body was incredibly close to the other girl's. Nozomi dared not let her eyes dart to her soft lips, her honey-colored hair that would only compel her to trail her gaze down to the plumpness of the top of her full, enticing chest. The low-cut shirt she was wearing made the temptation all the more difficult to resist, but Nozomi was quick to act. She scooped some icing onto her finger, and swiped it across Eli's cheek. Sexual tension was masked by laughter and juvenile play._

"_You bitch!" Eli said, taking some icing of her own and smearing it in Nozomi's pigtail. She tried to run away, but the blonde grabbed her from behind to contain her movements. Eyes were wet with tears from laughing too hard and soon they were covered in red, white, and green that was intended to go on the cookies, not themselves. 10 more minutes of chasing each other around the kitchen and attacking one another with cookie toppings was soon put to an end when Eli's grandmother walked in with Alisa by her side, a small plastic bag hanging on her arm._

"_Khorosho…"_

"Nozomi! Can you get that? I'm almost ready!" Nozomi's mother called to her from upstairs, snapping her out of her reminiscing. She hadn't heard the doorbell, but it was safe to say her family had finally arrived. She popped the cookie in her mouth whole, brushed the crumbs from her hands, and went to the door to get the night started. On the other side was a porch full of aunts, uncles, cousins, and her grandparents from her mother's side. Nozomi swallowed.

"Merry Christmas!" she exclaimed, a sudden wave of excitement rushed through her. She was met with a flurry of hugs and cheek-kisses and soon her house was full with immediate and extended family members. Ryouta and his mother had even arrived; Nozomi threw her arms around Ryouta as soon as she saw him. The two had become quite close recently, due to common interests and Nozomi's decrease in communication with the girls from Muse. It was partially her mother's doing, putting a ban on her contact with them, but generally she just stopped talking to them. She couldn't even remember the last thing she said to Nico. The more Nozomi thought on it, the more she wondered if she was really ever friends with the others; she wondered if they had even liked her at all. Had she been too forward? Too… intense?

With a shake of her head in attempt to clear the thought, she and Ryouta stood in the kitchen among the plethora of sweets. Nozomi didn't want to dwell on any negativity now, she just wanted to enjoy her holiday with loved ones. Ryouta tucked a strand of blonde hair behind his ear, eyes darting around the room. Nozomi noticed this, bringing a hand up to her mouth as she giggled.

"Ryouta? It looks like something's on your mind." He stuck a hand in his back pocket, revealing a small box wrapped in decorative paper.

"I know you said you didn't want anything… but I kinda just had to." He thrusted out the box towards her, biting back a grin. Nozomi took it in her hands and gingerly tore the wrapping. Inside was a silver necklace with a single gemstone, which she could only assume was an amethyst.

"Ryouta it's lovely, thank you!" She gave him a quick one-armed hug.

"So, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," he began. Nozomi handed him the necklace, turning around and sweeping loose strands of hair from her neck. The boy's hands were cold as he hooked the clasp to the tiny ring.

"There's this guy at my community college…" Ryouta trailed off as some people started to fill in the kitchen. Nozomi turned back around to face him, gesturing to go upstairs. Ryouta followed behind her as they started down the hall. Approaching the stairs, Nozomi stuck out her arm to stop him. It was her mother, and Ryouta's. They stood just beside them, listening to their conversation as they sat on the step.

"...is good. Really, I think you're doing the right thing."

"Yes, I suppose. I just think there must be some sort of… reason behind it."

"Well Ayako, you realize that she's never had a male figure in her life, right?" A pause.

"She's never met her father, you only have a sister, and her entire education was in all-girls schools. Her whole life was spent with other females! Don't you think-" Nozomi turned in the other direction, walking back into the living room that was congested with family members. Ryouta took her face in his hands and wiped her tears with his thumbs. Nozomi knew exactly who and what they were talking about, and she couldn't help but let it get to her. There she was, crying, the one thing she hoped to ultimately avoid that day. Nozomi was grateful to have Ryouta with her, and she was just grateful to have met him in the first place. With a tight hug, the joyful feeling had returned and everyone gathered by the tree to open presents.

* * *

Nozomi was left to herself, everyone had gone home and her mother decided to go out with her friends once again. She had been doing this quite often lately, spur of the moment "Girls' Nights." Nozomi was all alone in the house, cleaning up the huge mess that their guests had made. She decided that had been too much holiday spirit for one night, and was ready to crash. Being all by her lonesome on Christmas, and the events leading up to it, didn't really motivate her to feel enthusiastic anyway. She was bent over picking up leftover wrapping paper and stuffing it into a garbage bag, along with half-eaten food and vacuuming the crumbs from the couch. The house looked similar to the way it was before everyone had arrived, so Nozomi decided to call it a night. As she was storing the vacuum back into the closet, the doorbell had startled her. Who could that be at this time of night? She guessed one of her aunts or uncles left something here and came back for it.

Opening the front door, she felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of a blonde ponytail.


	12. Chapter 12

Winter Storm (Part 2/2)

The next thing Nozomi felt was her arms wrapped tightly around Eli's neck, her face buried in her thick, blonde locks falling out of the ponytail. Eli's coat was damp from the snowflakes, but the cold contrast on Nozomi's warm torso did not bother her in the slightest. Over the months, Nozomi had received hugs from her mother and Ryouta, but nothing could compare to Eli's sweet embrace right then, or any other time they had shared. As they stood in the doorway leading to the cozy house and the bitter outdoors on the other side, Nozomi felt truly at home in her arms. She knew in her heart that there was something that was just so _right _about it. As Eli attempted to pull away, Nozomi held on, trying for a little longer. After a second time, she finally let go, smiling sheepishly up at the blonde girl.

"I missed you." Eli could only tuck her hair behind her ear, cheeks red from either blushing or the cold; Nozomi couldn't tell.

"I missed you too." Nozomi let her step in, removing her shoes and coat. It seemed too good to be true, to have Eli home for Christmas. She had always pictured the two of them being apart for the entirety of Eli's college life, but now she was just incredibly thrilled, entering this state of euphoria as she felt the other girl's presence beside her. The materialistic gifts she had received this holiday could not compare to the love and warmth that Eli gave to her so naturally. She went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for the both of them.

"Geez, Nozomi, how long did it take to bake all these cookies?" They laughed together.

"Not very long, since I didn't have to attack my sous chef with frosting," she answered, earning a silent, reminiscent smile from the other. Nozomi prepared two mugs of steaming hot chocolate, handing one to Eli as they sat by the tree. The softness of her pale face and the sparkle in her azure eyes told Nozomi that she was content and at ease, looking down at her hands wrapped around the mug. Eli was, for a lack of better words, a hot mess; her hair was damp and tangled and sticking out all over the place and her makeup was smudged. Eli's sweater was old and gray and torn. Her leggings were in the process of drying from the snowfall and were a bit short, revealing ankles that had obviously been neglected by a razor.

She was completely unkempt, but Nozomi still looked at her like she had placed all the stars in the sky. Never before had she felt the desire to place a kiss upon chapped lips; they retracted from the mug, the hot chocolate most likely burning the roof of her mouth. Never before had she glanced at a runny nose without a reaction, without a sense of disgust. Instead she just felt her heart flutter at the sight of an imperfection that made her perfectly human.

"You look really pretty, Nozomi," Eli said, blowing on her beverage before taking a sip this time. She almost forgot about their contrasting appearances, feeling a little embarrassed for being so dressed up.

"Thank you, Eli-cci. I think you're always pretty." The blonde girl made a face, as if she were doubting the statement.

"No, really. You are," she reiterated. Eli tugged her sleeves past her hands.

"Ah, Nozomi, why do you say such things?" she chuckled lightly. Nozomi was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to express her feelings towards her. Her heart begged her to tell her why, to just _say it_. She bit her lip, looking at the captivating beauty that was the girl sitting across from her, and she only had a second to think before blurting out,

"Because I love you."

A pause.

"Aw, I love you too."

"No, I mean- I _love _you." Eli froze, looking at Nozomi with wide eyes. For a second, it seemed as if her face read confusion, but then it was just plain shock.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. You were why I got out of bed on some days- everything about you is just so wonderful, Eli-cci." Nozomi tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, eyelashes fluttering up to look at the other girl.

"You are the reason I sing." She knew the reason behind the girl's rosey cheeks this time. Nozomi ran her thumb along the edge of the mug, her heart beating so loud and incessantly. This was it. It was all out and Nozomi couldn't eat the words back up.

"Nozomi you… you like me like that?" Eli stayed perfectly still, as if she were trying to process the confession properly. She just looked at the other girl for quite some time, blue eyes unreadable. After a while, she blinked, focused on Nozomi's face again.

"I'm not a perfect person, Nozomi. My grades aren't the best… my mother is displeased, and I-I've tried alcohol…" she trailed off, letting out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding in. Nozomi just smiled gently at her.

"You're still flawless to me, Eli-cci, and I think-"

"No, stop." The blonde cut her off, standing up.

"Stop. I don't want to hear it." It was like something had just clicked inside of her, like suddenly Nozomi was in the room with someone who wasn't Eli.

"Nozomi, we're older now. Don't you think it's time to grow out of that puppy love? I mean-" she paused, running a hand through her tangled hair.

"I'm not perfect. I'm not a saint. I'm not even a good person. I have flaws and I make mistakes, and if you can't see that… then you're no more than a child." Nozomi was still on her knees, mind blank and her hands numb. She had always known Eli to be quite cold to strangers, but to her own best friend? Was Nozomi really that repulsive? She didn't even notice the tears running down her powdered cheeks.

Eli turned to leave, slipping on her shoes and yanking her coat off the rack. Nozomi got up after her, reaching an arm out to her. The blonde just stood there, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I'm not _gay_, Nozomi." An inhalation.

"_I'm not gay_." The sternness in her voice had burned a hole in Nozomi's heart; every word running through her mind over and over again. With that, Eli was gone again, and for a second Nozomi didn't do anything. She just stood there by the open door, quiet. It was in that moment that she could hear her own shaky breathing and the pain that pounded at her head. She felt her nails digging into the skin of her arm and the thin line of blood that emerged from it. She felt her cheeks were moist and she felt her hair stick to her face as it fell from behind her ear. It was in that moment that she felt herself walk out into the bitter cold, the icy wind slicing through her. It was then that she dropped to her knees in the snow, then fell forward onto her hands, clenching clusters of bloody snow. She pressed her forehead to the ground, heavy sobs forcing their way out of her and into the blizzard where no one could hear her scream.

The stars in the sky above her all twinkled brightly in beautiful contrast to the snow, save for one that looked muted, almost dull.

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**A/N: I am so sorry**


	13. Chapter 13

"You know, you're really great at faking it."

Nozomi's eyes readjusted as she focused her attention back to Nico; the girl was drumming her fingers on the arm of the couch. She must've said something prior, or maybe that was the first thing she had said all day. Nozomi couldn't remember. She just hugged the pillow tighter to her chest, silently acknowledging the girl in front of her.

"All that stuff you said, about Eli and about that whole fight..." She tucked her leg underneath her. "You don't even seem affected by it. But, Super Idol Yazawa Nico always sees right through you, and I can tell this is cutting you deep."

"..." Nico knew she didn't want to say any more, so she didn't ask. Nico tilted her head back, blowing a strand of hair from her face. She was so cheerful when they talked on the phone during Christmas, and now it was like she was hit by a truck. It was a mixture of that depression that came with the new year and its neverending winter, and the heartbreak from being rejected by the love of your life. For Nozomi it was ten times worse. She had to sneak out just to come over.

Usually her phone would be overloaded with messages and notifications from Muse, but lately she's been completely isolated, and she felt her friendship with Nico slipping through the cracks. Even Ryouta has been on edge. Nozomi separated three pieces of hair and absentmindedly started to braid. Nico noticed this, and rubbed her temples.

"Look, Nozomi, I know you're going through some really heavy stuff right now, and I'm not really in any position to give you my amazing advice…" she glanced over at the framed picture of her and Maki holding hands at a relative's wedding, "...because I can't relate. But, instead of feeling down because of what you lost, feel grateful for what you _were_ able to keep. I know it's kinda hard, but you do still have things in your life that make it worth living. They're just masked by the bigger stuff." Nozomi didn't look up at Nico; she didn't look up at all. She wanted to tell her that that was the wisest thing she'd ever said, but Nozomi couldn't find the words. She just gave up on her braid, running her fingers through her hair and placing them back on the pillow. But Nico knew what she was thinking, and got up, planting a gentle kiss on her head.

"I'm still here, Nozomi. I have to go check on the kids, but I'm always here for you." With the sound of a loud bang, the smaller girl rolled her eyes and trotted down the hall to find the source. Nozomi picked at the seams of the pillow that were starting to come undone. She couldn't feel comforted by Nico's words, only self-loathing for her disability to hold a decent conversation with her closest friend. She just felt like a burden and an annoyance to her. Taking in the advice that Nico gave her, the entire situation seemed small in that perspective. It seemed like the end of the world, but so did many other things that occurred last year. It still hurt, immensely, but it was a little more bearable when thought of that way. Pushing her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath, Nozomi took a moment to feel her feet on the fabric of the couch. She concentrated on the rise and fall of her chest as she endured the cycle of inhalation and exhalation. She was conscious of the tongue resting in her mouth and the eyelashes that slowly graced the tops of her cheeks. Another slow breath and her hands fell to her sides again; she felt like she was back on the surface.

Nozomi stood up and found the room Nico was in, leaning on the doorframe that led to it instead of entering. The sight of Nico caring for her siblings was endearing, and a different side of the girl was shown to Nozomi whole-heartedly. For a few moments she stood there silent, just watching them. After Cocoa refused to give the doll she swiped back to Cocoro, Nozomi had to step in with a smirk and her hands raised. The little girl squealed in horror, stumbling to hide behind Nico. Nico just laughed, relieved to see Nozomi slightly back to her former self, even if it was the perverted side. She wrapped her arms tightly around her, holding Nozomi in a genuine hug. The taller returned the favor, resting her head on Nico's shoulder and dampening her sweater. She wanted to whisper an "I'm sorry" as they stood there in the embrace, but Nico already knew she was, from almost having the breath squeezed out of her. But it was okay, because she believed Nozomi would soon be okay as well.

* * *

Sneaking back home was easier than anticipated, due to her mother having fallen asleep on the couch. Nozomi turned the TV off and draped a soft blanket over her weary body. It was even more evident up close just how much Time has taken away from Ayako. What it did give her, was wrinkles and under-eye bags, along with gray hairs that popped up every now and again. Though she was sleeping, Nozomi could see how _tired _her mother was. How sick she looked. For a moment she wanted to make tea to wake her up and soothe her, but it was decided that she'd let her sleep. Nozomi herself hadn't done much of that lately.

As much as Nozomi was hurt by Ayako's words and actions, at the end of the day she was still her mother. She always would be, homophobic or not. Their little two-person world would be at peace if their differences were set aside. Nozomi climbed the stairs up to her bedroom, barely having the energy to undress herself. She was exhausted, but couldn't sleep. Promising herself to have a fresh start tomorrow, she crawled under the mound of blankets on her bed and created a cocoon for herself.

"Tomorrow is a new day," she said aloud, forcing her eyes shut. Yet she was worried about what tomorrow would bring.

* * *

**A/N: Hello! Long time no see, huh. Well, I must apologize again for the horribly slow update, because I'm a piece of poop u_u But, I said I wouldn't leave the story unfinished, right? That last chapter was a very high point in this fanfic, and it was honestly tough to write the follow up (this chapter was sort of a filler I think). I still know how the rest of the events unfold and I still am working on this! I just had to get over that little rough patch. Thank you to anyone who's even stuck with this story for all this time, it really does mean so much. I hope you're surviving this winter, and I'll be sure to see you soon xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello! Long time no see, huh? You know I never thought there would be so much to this story, but this is like my baby :) Anyways, I wanted to put an author's note before the chapter to give you guys a little heads up: There is some mature content in this chapter. Though it is necessary to the story, I understand that sort of thing may not be suitable for everyone &amp; I didn't want anyone to be unpleasantly surprised. Do enjoy nonetheless! xx**

* * *

The office was packed today, full of students in need of assistance who were not currently happy with Eli. She had her hands planted on the desk, leaning in to get on the receptionist's level. The blonde knew she looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, and that only made her more intimidating.

"No no no, you don't understand. I _paid _you already. I specifically remember filling out a check and handing it to you." The woman sitting at the computer was having none of it. She cleared her throat, putting on a smile that was a little too forced.

"Honey, it says here that you didn't pay for the semester," she placed her hand gently on Eli's.

"Now, you know that you don't actually have to pay tuition until you graduate, correct? So I wouldn't worry about it too much." Eli pulled her hand back, standing up straight and crossing her arms.

"What I am _saying _is that I already _did _pay for the semester." The receptionist clicked the mouse a few times, shifting her eyes from the screen to Eli, and back to the screen. She shook her head.

"I don't know what to tell you, dear. I'm sorry but what it says here is that the school didn't receive any sort of payment from you other than your book rentals." She jerked her thumb to her right.

"Now I'm gonna have to ask you to move along. You're holding up the line." Eli groaned, storming off. Things were not going well for her today, and this only added fuel to the fire that was metaphorically burning down everything she ever loved. Ever since she got back to America, it seemed like the whole atmosphere had changed. It all felt different, except for one thing.

As she entered her dorm, she let out a heavy sigh. Her shoes were kicked off at the door and her bag was tossed on her bed. It was late afternoon and she already considered turning in for the night. Eli didn't want to deal with this anymore, and lately she was questioning if it was even worth it. It was starting to feel like it wasn't.

Lee looked up from the desk as Eli walked in, grinning from ear to ear. It was either she didn't notice Eli's obvious poor mood, or she was just using it to her advantage. The blonde figured it was the latter. She failed to hold in an eye roll as Lee held up the painting she was working on.

"Like it? I call it: Unrequited." Eli didn't know what that word meant, nor did she care about finding out. She could just tell that she was being smug. The painting was a picture of Eli herself, which looked like it took a long time to do. As much as she didn't want to praise the other girl, it was well done. Creepy, but well done. Lee stood up from the chair, turning her music off and stretching her arms up.

"So, who put a stick up your ass this time?" she asked, walking closer to Eli.

"They lost my check, so now I don't have any money." She felt her voice shake as she clenched her fists at her sides. She didn't want to cry in front of Lee, but she knew if she talked about it then the waterworks wouldn't be able to stop. The other girl put her hand on Eli's face, lightly caressing her skin as she trailed her hand down to her shoulders. Lee stepped behind her, placing her other hand on her to massage her.

"You're so tense, sweetheart." Eli squeezed her eyes shut, using every ounce of self-control within her to stay put. She felt goosebumps as Lee touched her, coming closer to sensually whisper in her ear.

"You know I can help you out with your little money problem. Afterall…" she swiped her tongue on Eli's neck. "...without me, you wouldn't have been able to go see your little friend back in Japan, now would you?" Eli clenched her fists, feeling her anger boil in the pit of her stomach. She knew it was true; she _hated _that it was true. But she had to do it, because she had no other choice. Her family wasn't rich, just hopeful. They believed Eli would become a successful lawyer and be able to pay off her student loans just like that. She felt nothing but remorse.

Lee laid her down on the bed, climbing over her. Her heart wouldn't settle yet she was extremely bothered. She kept telling herself to "just do it" and "it'll be over soon," though it felt like an eternity. The other girl looked down at her as she bit her lip, the lust and obsession pooling in her eyes.

"You know you can still say no," she said, placing her hand on Eli's naked thigh. Her teasing didn't faze her. With a silent stare, Lee smirked and trailed her fingers up the dress.

"That's my girl," she murmured, never breaking eye contact. Eli's entire body tensed as Lee's hand was lost in the tenderness between her legs. She had to endure it, she just had to. Her eyes were squeezed shut as tears stung and Lee's nails scratched her. It did not feel good. Her mind was running and she couldn't stop seeing Nozomi.

"Hey, look at me." She didn't want to.

"_Look_ at me."

Eli opened her eyes, the image fading.

"Tell me you want it." Eli's anger boiled as a tear slid down her cheek.

"I want it." Lee went deeper.

"Say it like you mean it." The blonde grabbed on to the blankets underneath her, trying to regain her composure and refusing to lose herself to this girl. She swallowed her pride.

"I _want _it." Lee seemed pretty pleased, sliding her fingers out and licking them.

"That's my good baby," she murmured, smirking. "You're lucky your body makes me so hot."

Eli felt anything but lucky. It was more "violated" as Lee touched her. She hooked her finger underneath the fabric of her panties and yanked them off of her. Lee's mouth was disgustingly familiar, pleasuring Eli in the most unpleasant way. Her eyes were shut again as more tears streamed. She knew what this was, and she loathed herself more so than Lee every second.

Her head was spinning with confused thoughts paired with extreme discomfort. She repeated the words "almost done" over and over again, just to convince herself that it was all going to be okay, like Lee wasn't going to harass her after today. Eli knew college was four years, but it felt like it was going to last even longer. She almost regretted flying out here, leaving everyone behind for a career she didn't even want. But she knew that this was what her family thought was best for her, and she always trusted her family.

But if her family could see her now, how ashamed they would be. Eli's toes curled and she held her breath, using all of her strength to keep any suggestive sounds inside. Soon, Lee sat back, wiping the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand. Eli sat up too, letting out a sharp breath as she felt liquid trickle down the inner of her thigh. The brunette closed the gap between them, taking Eli's lips in a deep kiss. Eli put her hands up to push her off, but Lee grabbed them and placed them on her own chest.

"Touch me," she whispered, breaking the intimacy for only a second, before her adherent lust controlled Eli completely. The blonde repressed any further thoughts or mental restrictions; she just gave in. She kissed Lee back, massaging her breasts and eliciting satisfaction from her. Her mind was blank; nothingness enveloping her as she touched her meaninglessly. This is what she's become, and there was no going back.

* * *

The wood underneath the top bunk caught her gaze each time she came back from brief unconsciousness. Eli's head was blank. The room had become dark with the passing of time, and Lee was sleeping soundly above her. She didn't really know what to feel. Her pulse had slowed and her headache faded a while ago, so she was left almost as a shell of a person. She didn't think anyone else who just had sex usually experienced this as well, which made her loneliness seep back under her skin.

Eli pushed the blanket off of her, swinging her legs over the edge of the mattress to stand up. She stepped out of her dress, leaving it on the floor. A sports bra and light-weight hoodie were slipped on, along with a pair of black leggings. Cautiously, she left the dorm, making her way down the hall to all the way outside. The main campus was ingrained in her memory now, and could easily be navigated even in the dark.

She entered the gym, walking past the weight machines and the treadmills and exercise bikes. The door leading to the yoga room was still open, and Eli silently thanked the janitor for forgetting to lock up. She closed the door from the inside, kicking her shoes off and moving the mats to the side to create space. She started out with stretching; the blonde sat down with her legs apart and reached forward, then put her legs together and touched her toes. Standing back up, she stretched her arms up to the ceiling and a wave of nostalgia hit her.

She planted her hand on the wall, standing with her feet turned out and her heels touching. Her shoulders were back, her butt tucked in, and she began bending her knees to do a plie. She repeated this in second, fourth, and fifth position, bending over and pointing her toes too. This time, she entirely unthinking, her mind satisfyingly blank. She forgot about everything else, and just focused on the placement of her arms and torso and the flexibility of her legs.

She then moved away from the wall, standing in the middle of the room. She began to practice her turns; pirouettes and piques and some in attitude. From there, the flow of her body never ceased, taking her into movements that sparked old muscle memory. She turned and lifted and drew lines in the air with her arms, breaking free of the chains that held her down. Eli's body seemingly had a mind of its own, controlling her yet setting her free at the same time. She leaped across the wooden floor in an elegant grand jete, slicing the atmosphere with her legs as she shot them up in a 180 degree angle, throwing her head back to hold on to those two seconds in which she felt she was flying.

As she came back down to earth, she dropped to the floor, panting. She didn't know how long she had been in the yoga room or if anyone had seen her. Eli just closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, thinking back to just a few seconds ago when she was dancing. That was exactly what she needed. Those moments of complete concentration, where she didn't have a sense for anything else but what movements her body was making at that time. She had been craving that feeling of unfeeling that ballerinas experience when they themselves become lost in a routine. That is what she had been missing.

Eli stood up, walking over to the window and opening it to cool down. While being refreshed by the breeze, she looked up, noticing a particularly bright star. It captivated her, holding her gaze. The star was strangely comforting, making her think about Nozomi again. She hadn't spoken to the girl since Christmas, the night at her house. She hadn't thought about what happened since then either, mostly because she didn't want to think about it. She didn't know how she felt about it, other than guilty for saying what she did to her. Eli was just confused, as a result of Lee's advances and drunk actions. She was scared of herself, of what she ultimately was feeling.

As if she were talking to the star, she said, "I'm going to make it right."


End file.
